Some People

Some people don’t write blog posts for many months.

Some people are working on critical papers that have to be a minimum of 25 pages.

Some people are only sort of really working on that paper.

Some people just finished watching 10 episodes of the FX show You’re the Worst.

Some people were supposed to write 5, just 5, pages of their critical paper today.

Some people didn’t.

Continue reading “Some People”

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There Were Two in the Bed and the Little One Said Get the Fuck Out

For all my talk about dating and being in a relationship, I wonder if I actually even want to be in one at all. I like the idea in theory, but I’m so out of practice, I could be wrong. I mean I have a routine. It’s my way or the highway and if you choose the highway I’ll run you over with my car. I like the way things are now. If I brought someone else in then I’d probably have to accommodate them and I don’t want to do that.

But more importantly, I do not like sharing the bed. I move around a lot and like to sprawl, probably because I overheat easily.If I can’t even share a bed, how can I share my life??

new girl i sing to myself

Continue reading “There Were Two in the Bed and the Little One Said Get the Fuck Out”

Orange is the New Black

When you find out that a guy you were seeing a few months ago is dating someone else. This would not be a big deal except this guy is actually going to PRISON at the end of the year for NOT a short amount of time because he did some pretty shitty stuff.

The guy who is going to PRISON has managed to find someone who will still date him even though he is GOING TO PRISON and you cannot.

Continue reading “Orange is the New Black”

At Least My Cat Loves Me

I haven’t been writing much lately and it’s because all things considered, my life is going well right now. Great new job, riding horses, volunteering, graduate school, friends, and no one in my family is recently dead or anything like that. But why focus on the positive when I can focus on the negative? The negative being that after a year and a half of being single and all alone, I am still single and ALL ALONE. Besides my parents and my friends and my siblings. Whatever. None of them fill that penis shaped hole inside of me.

But the real reason I haven’t been writing is because my parents are reading this and it’s their job to ruin my life. My mom gave me some “advice” like 6 months ago that still (!!!!) haunts me.

No sex before monogamy.

Sorry mom, but seriously, it’s not the 40s anymore and what do you know? You got that advice from a reality show.

So anyway, I was just feeling bummed every which way about the fact that there’s something about me that just makes me completely unlovable to attractive, well-adjusted straight men. For a while I was trying to figure it out, like hey, I know I’m not perfect and it’s completely reasonable that there might be something I might need to change. So I ran through the list of things that are maybe just “too much” for other people.

  • Too smart
  • Too pretty
  • Boobs are too big
  • Too good in bed
  • Too funny
  • Too personable
  • Too endearingly awkward
  • Too driven
  • Too good with animals
  • Too many positive qualities
  • Too crazy

WHAT OH WHAT COULD IT BE? Oh right, it’s that last one. I don’t like to use the word crazy when referring to women though, so instead I’ll say I’m emotionally spastic instead.

kim k all alone

But like, if you’re gonna date a girl, I’m pretty sure that’s a given, and considering all my other qualities, I’m really the best deal you’re going to get. Yet somehow I’m STILL ALONE while there are great guys dating awful girls. I mean like controlling, condescending, rude, manipulative, mean girls. And here I am, all aloney on my owny, sitting on my bed of spinsterhood with my cat next to me.

Even she runs away when I try to cuddle with her.

I mean so what if I expect a date to be planned an entire day ahead of time? Or if I only text a guy that I’m casually seeing every few days? I know it’s a bit much to start to have feelings for someone after a single date, but what can I say…

I’m just completely un-fucking-reasonable.

But hey, being an crazy spinster has its perks. I can eat all the S’mores Oreos and cake and ice cream I want and never have to worry about looking good naked. And then I can use my empty ice cream pints to cry my lonely cat lady tears into.

Say You Will, Say You Won’t, Make Up Your Mind

Is life really about doing what you want? Is that all there is to it, in the end? That’s a sort of selfishness is appealing but can also be hurtful to others. So then it becomes a matter of which you care about less: getting what you want or hurting someone. There are a few things to consider. Like do I care about this person enough that I don’t want hurt them? What if I choose not to hurt this person, don’t get what I want, and I suffer instead? To what extent should we force ourselves to suffer so as to not cast that struggle on to someone else?

Shit happens and people get hurt. That’s the way it goes. We have to be selfish to make the best lives for ourselves. Other people can’t be our main priority.

For the record, I’m talking only about participating adultish people here. Not like people with families or major responsibilities or anything. That’s the point of it all anyway, isn’t it? To get those major responsibilities? To rely on ourselves. To find people who deserve our selflessness. Maybe being selfish comes first, so we can be selfless later. We’re all working to get to what we want. To get the big career or family or that rad vacation or whatever it is. There’s always a price to pay, something to lose, sacrifices to make.

regina george cheese fries gif