Pretty Girls Make Graves

I’m relieved to report that Horrible Kissing Guy did not contact me again after our encounter.  I’m curious why he attempted to eat my face if he wasn’t really into it, but maybe that’s just some sort of goodbye ritual that I don’t know about.  I’m not very familiar with the ways of dwarves, after all.

I have to say, I’m glad that we were on the same page. I mean of course I am.  That makes life so much easier.  But I’m glad for a reason that is maybe a little less obvious.  All things considered, the date went well.  We made each other laugh.  I actually made him laugh way more than he made me, but who’s counting?  The conversation was consistent.  I wasn’t tempted to go to the bathroom and escape through the window.  It wouldn’t have been unreasonable for either of us to request a second one.

Despite all of this, somehow, neither of us were interested.  Just because I didn’t feel a spark didn’t guarantee that he was in the same boat, though. I can only imagine how often this is the case.  It’s impossible to tell how someone else is feeling.  Sharing a decent date only makes the impossible even more difficult.

What if I had been interested?  If this situation presented itself a year ago, I would be wondering why he never texted me.  After a few days of waiting, I would have texted him.  I would have told him how much fun it had been.  I would have said we should definitely do it again.  I’d try to resist the urge to text him again and again.

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I’d fail miserably at resisting that urge.

I’d probably bug him for another date.  I’d want to see him again.  I’d suggest something maybe a little more interactive so we’d have more to talk about – or an excuse to talk less.  I’d create situations that would make the relationship more likely to succeed.  I’d ignore the fact that it clearly wasn’t.

I’m glad to report that’s no longer the case.  Er, well, I think, anyway.  I haven’t met anyone whom I like enough to test that theory and honestly, I don’t know if I really want to.  I’ve gotten comfortable with my current life.  I’ve built a solid foundation.  I don’t need anything else and I don’t really want much more, either.  At least not when it comes to a relationship.  That concept is so foreign to me now.  It seems like it would be a major deviation from what I currently have, and I like what I have.  I don’t think I’d want to change it.

Unfortunately for me, I’ve made it my mission to understand the dating world.  I prefer to be actively uncomfortable trying new things rather than stuck in the old.  I’m not dating because I need or even want to be in a relationship.  I’m dating because for some reason, I’ve decided I want to write about it.  I can’t write about a topic I know nothing about, and since I’ve never really done much dating, I have to put myself out there.

I started with that app called Coffee Meets Bagel.  It was fine for a time but became unsatisfactory when I had momentarily convinced myself I was interested in seriously dating someone.  I moved my way up to Hinge, another dating app that is apparently similar to Tinder (which I will never, ever try), but again, found it unsatisfactory.  I mean WHAT is the point of getting matched with someone if you’re not actually interested in talking to them?

Fun side fact:  The hot roommate of the guy I had been dating, No Real Feelings Guy, came up on that app yesterday.  I swiped yes.  In order to get matched, he has to do the same.  Updates to follow.

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Now I’m on OkCupid.  I don’t know how it happened.  It’s all a blur.  It was really fun for the first few hours.  Like crazy fun.  If you ever need a quick confidence boost, online dating is really the way to go.

It quickly became less fun.  Way less fun.  Now it feels like work.  Every time I get a new message, I’m momentarily excited, for like half a second, if that.  Then I’m filled with dread  There are so many people.  SO MANY PEOPLE.  And plenty of them seem really nice and actually read my profile and make a point to ask questions and create a conversation.  And so many of them I’m just not interested in.  Because I’m being shallow.  I don’t even care anymore.  I want to be considerate and give everyone a chance but it’s just not going to happen.  Once upon a time I thought that I didn’t have a type, but I do.  I have lots of types, actually.  But I’m not attracted to everyone, and if I’m not attracted to a guy, it’s not going to happen.  I feel bad about it every time and occasionally will even reply with a rejection, but still.

It’s difficult to not give everyone a chance.  I don’t want to be that superficial person who puts so much stock in personal appearance.  I don’t want to be unreasonably picky, despite knowing there’s nothing wrong with having high standards.  I think that physical attraction is an important part of dating someone.   I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that thinking, either.

I mean it’s not like I see a guy I’m not attracted to and immediately assume he’s awful  has no value to the world.  Come on.  Further, I know there’s a chance I could become attracted to someone based on the way that that they carry themselves, but in this case, that’s an unrealistic expectation.  I’m not going to plan a date with someone with the hopes that I’ll find them attractive once I get to know them.  I simply don’t have the time.  Plus there are so many other guys out there, it’s really not necessary.  I used to have that “make it work” mindset, which, need I remind you, did not work so well.

The great thing about online dating is that it gives you an idea of just how many people out there you’re compatible with.  I know that it still has a stigma, but so far I’ve found it incredibly helpful for that one specific reason.  Having an online dating profile makes it painfully obvious that there’s absolutely no reason to settle for less.  No, most of these interactions won’t progress beyond chatting through the app on my phone.  But these guys are nice.  They’re attractive.  They’re interesting and they’re interested.

I actually have a date later today.  With a ridiculously adorable Israeli.  At the most awkward time ever.  Late afternoon, early evening.  It’s too late for coffee if I want to sleep tonight, but too early for dinner or drinks.

Oh who am I kidding?  I plan my life around food and it’s not like I haven’t had a beer at a far more unreasonable hour.

The worst part is that I’m actually really excited.

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