Compromise: Lowering My Standards So You Can Meet Them

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Karma.  What goes around comes around.  Summer and winter, fire and water.  Yin and yang.

Blah and blah and blah some more.

In the past, I have not had particularly high standards for the guys that I have dated.  I had this idea of what I wanted but I pursued it with people who I wasn’t right for and who weren’t right for me.  This may sound like a fairly typical thing for people to do, but I go about it a bit differently.  These people who aren’t suited for me are, in my opinion, pretty obviously so.  If I were a sane human being, these are things I would have noticed (and done something about) after a month or two.

Ah, but I am me, and thus… well… you know.

I like to give people chances to prove themselves, chances far beyond what’s reasonable.  I’m great at overlooking the negative in favor of the positive.  Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t.  It’s when the negative shouldn’t be overlooked that I get myself in trouble.  I haven’t been great at distinguishing what’s an acceptable flaw and what isn’t.

We all have them.  Flaws, I mean.  If this is something you have not yet realized…

pitch perfect aubrey it's not a hat gif

I recently went on a few dates with one guy.  By the third date there were little things that were already starting to drive me crazy.  I could already see our future together and in consisted of me being constantly annoyed by him.  My first reaction was to try to see past it and to focus on all the things I liked about this guy.  We had a lot in common and conversed pretty easily.

Yeah well, those are the worst.  Reasons.  Ever.  Do you know how many people are out there who I could say the same about?  You probably don’t and it’s because THERE ARE SO MANY.  That’s like, the most basic criteria for a relationship ever.

Ever.

I really do not have to give every single person I meet a chance.  There are SO many potential suitors out there.  Why in the world would I settle just because we like the same books?  Like seriously.  Having things in common is definitely a plus but is NOT the be all, end all of a relationship.  Not by far.

And there I was, considering trying to change who I am in order to accommodate this guy who was more or less still a stranger, who had given me absolutely no reason to do so.  Like what is that?  Why in the world would I do that?

Given my history, this isn’t surprising in the slightest, but if I don’t learn from my history then I am doomed to repeat it and that is something I don’t particularly want to do at all, thanks.

david tenant doctor who nope gif

Nope.

I mean it’s really not difficult for my standards to be higher than they previously were, but apparently I am now too picky, according to Carey.  And she hears about every god damn detail of my meager dating life, soo…

I really don’t think that’s true, but even if it is, it’s still better than my former approach, so I don’t really mind.  I’m not aggressively pursuing anything serious right now anyway, so why would I bother with guys who I’m not attracted to or don’t really interest me?  Why should I waste my time on date after date, hoping that things will improve, when I wasn’t that interested in the first place?

After several failed attempts in the whole boyfriend department, I’ve learned what definitely doesn’t work for me and I’ve learned to respect certain aspects of myself that just aren’t going to change.  Unfortunately, those are aspects that I don’t exactly like, but try as I might, I’m unable to change, and I think that’s ok.  There was a time when I felt like I needed to improve everything about myself, and while I’m all for acknowledging weaknesses and addressing them, not everything that’s “wrong” is a weakness.

So I’m easily irritated.  It’s probably just a reflection of the sort of mood I’m in, and if I’m in a mood, the best thing for me to do is just be by myself.  I like being alone, so this really isn’t a problem.  So if I need to be alone, I just go be alone.

I’m sensing a theme here, actually, with this whole “alone” thing.  I just don’t have time for any of you plebeians.  I can’t be bothered.

It's possible that I've used this one before, but come on.

It’s possible that I’ve used this one before, but come on.

Eh, really though.  My time is valuable.  It’s valuable to me.  I see nothing productive coming from investing much of it to giving everyone I meet two or three or ten chances.  I already tried that.  It didn’t work too well.  If it were my dream to befriend every living human on this planet, then I would be all about that. As it is, I find most people to be terrible and I don’t really want to meet them at all.  Maybe that’s horrible and self-absorbed of me.  I don’t care.  I’m trying something new.  I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the very other and it’s actually working out pretty well so far.

Go fucking figure.

So rather than changing these parts of myself, these parts that cause me some problems, I’m just learning how to live with them in a constructive way.  Because when I’m annoyed and need to be alone, I usually end up writing.  Sounds like a win-win all around.

emma stone thumbs up gif

Super.

I’ve kind of got an idea of who I am and what I want.  I expect a lot from myself and as such, I hold other people to the same standard.  I want to surround myself with exceptional people and won’t settle for anything less.  So haters to the left, k?

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