Wanna Take A Nap On My Shoulder?

First things first, if you are not privy to the inside joke that is the title of this post, I’m sorry.  It’s a good one.


I’m trying online dating. I feel like this is necessary because I’ve started writing about dating and at this point in our technological lives it’s kind of a must. Not a must like everyone has to do it, a must like if I’m like dating and experiencing it and writing about it, online dating is totally part of “it.”

I’m using one app and one app only: Coffee Meets Bagel. I may be trying this but I am putting in MINIMAL effort.

leslie knope cargo pants gif

So far it hasn’t been so bad, but “so far” consists of less than a week and no actual, real live dates.

I am in no hurry to date every guy in LA or really anyone for that matter. It just doesn’t jive with the groove I have going, you know? At this point I’m simply not interested in pursuing the type of relationships that I’ve had before. Oh, you know, the unhealthy co-dependent sort.  The ones that smother like flannel sheets in July.  They didn’t suit me to begin with and they most definitely do not suit me now.

As for flannel sheets in July, those don’t suit anyone, ever.


So I mean, like, if you want to hang out once or twice a week and have all those relationship-y benefits, that’s cool.  I’ve finally come to the conclusion that that’s what a healthy relationship actually is, at least for me.  Ish.  Like let’s not be in contact 24/7 and do every single thing together.  I don’t want people to assume that if I’m going to be somewhere that I’ll be bringing this other person with me.  Like an extra fucking limb or something.  No.  Those limbs always end up being diseased and need to be cut off and it just does not end well.  All the little addendums that you’re born with like arms and a head and stuff are the only ones you’re meant to have.*  The rest is separate, dammit.

Whatever happens, happens. I have far more pressing things to concern myself with. Like how short this post is.

rashida jones the office shrug gif

* Weird-ass extenuating circumstances aside.  Like Siamese twins.  I’m not a doctor or anything, but I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen.


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