Adventures in Adulting: Eggplant Edition

I unexpectedly ended up with nothing to do today.  I went into work only to discover that I did not have to work (and I drove all the way to the Valley, BY THE WAY), and then had my plans for the night cancelled a few hours in advance.

I spent yesterday doing nothing and didn’t particularly enjoy it, so I didn’t really want to spend today the same way.

I’ve been wanting to get into cooking.  I really like it in theory.  The problem is that I would actually have to cook, which I am not so keen on.  As you can imagine, this has presented quite a conundrum.

I saw my day going two possible ways:

1) I could do all of the responsible things that don’t seem to go away no matter how much I ignore them

2) I could try some cooking in the hope that my future-rich-husband will sense that I am blossoming into a real adult, come find me, and take care of all my responsibilities for me.

So I chose to do the latter.

For the record, there is no danger of this turning into a cooking blog.  I also know that being an adult does not require one to be able to cook.  I just figure that since I’m going to marry someone rich so I can achieve my goal of sitting at home writing all day, I should have some domestic skills.  I already have rockstar level laundry skills and my folding is quite excellent.  Cooking is just the next logical step to me living a life of housewife bliss.

I didn’t follow a recipe because rules are for squares but also our oven doesn’t work and all the recipes I found called for one.  Whatever.  I’m living on the edge, coloring outside the lines, cooking eggplant on the stove.  Nbd guys.*

So I sliced the eggplant.  It went pretty well.  I still have all my digits.

cut that eggplant

THAT’S RIGHT I TOOK PICTURES

I rinsed all the slices.  Again, things went well.  I was feeling confident.

I covered each slice in salt.  That was kind of a mistake, as I was actually supposed to “sprinkle” some salt on.  Cover, sprinkle, same dif.

Doused each slice (ranging from a quarter of an inch to half an inch, give or take) in grapeseed oil (I’m sure any oil will work.  I just randomly had grapeseed when I tried and failed at making falafel) and coated in bread crumbs.

Then I threw those fuckers into a pan on the stove.  The temperature was set to medium.  I just waited til they were brown and soft. I estimated the time.

Like I said, rules are for squares.

grilling alright alright

Haven’t fucked it up yet!

The almost finished product

The almost finished product

And um, my breaded eggplant is the BOMB.  It’s a little extra salty but if you don’t like salt then you can just exit now ok.**

done and delish

Those two mystery toppings are mozzarella and tomato.  Not to insult your intelligence, since it’s pretty obvious, but I didn’t want to assume or anything…

Also you can ignore that little green garnish on top.  I don’t actually even know what it is.  Some nice lady gave me a bunch of tomatoes and some herbs as well but I don’t know how to use herbs when I cook sooo I just threw it on top for it to look nice when I took the picture then promptly tossed it as it smelled sort of funny.

I believe that I have earned my rich husband now.  I eagerly await his arrival.

The end.

*I also may have left out a step or two.  Like nothing huge but I’m not the most detail oriented person so don’t follow my “directions” please for the love of god.

**I do not recommend covering in salt.  Do not.  A sprinkle will suffice.

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3 comments

  1. That green thing on top is basil, and it loves tomatoes and eggplant. Perhaps next summer, if your interest in eggplant (and/or rich husbands) continues, you could try chopping some basil up and sprinkling it over the ensemble; it really is good. (I will be growing tomatoes and basil next year too….)

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