I Don’t Fucking Care If You Like It

There’s something that happened a couple of months ago that was like SERIOUSLY ANNOYING when it happened. Like offensively annoying. I did my best to brush it off, because in the end it was not a big deal in itself, but I just can’t, because the fact that it still bothers me IS a problem.

Let me tell you a story.

I’ve told basically everyone I know because it was just so ridiculously mind-boggling and irritating when it happened that I just couldn’t shut up. I’m sure plenty of my friends know the kind of obnoxious I am talking about. Because I am SO EASILY offended by people BEING ASSHOLES and I really do just love to be a COMPLETE drama queen, I tend to get this way a lot.

can't wait to see how this turns out gif

Ok. So.

One day I was at the gym. Just stretching. In the corner. By myself. Because I did not want to talk to anyone.  Or really be near anyone for that matter.

While I was stretching alone in my corner, this random fucking dude I have seen MANY TIMES and have smiled at MANY TIMES because I am trying to be a FRIENDLIER PERSON decided to have a conversation with me.

Hi, so, in case you weren’t aware, when someone has headphones in, THEY DO NOT WANT TO TALK.  Especially if they are in a random fucking corner BY THEMSELVES.  Especially if they are me.

tina fey amy poehler i hate everyone gif

Gym is sacred alone time. People are in the zone. People are focused ON THEMSELVES.  Gym time is when everyone who wants to get left alone GETS LEFT ALONE.

In case you are not getting this, I go to the gym to be a-fucking-lone.

If you want to take selfies and take up space on the ab mats just chatting and get in the way of the elliptical but not actually use it, GO TO PLANET FITNESS.

So this random dude decided to talk to me. This guy cleans the machines and shit. That’s fine. This isn’t going to be a rich bitch complaining how a pleb deemed to talk to her, by the way. Ok?

janice dickinson stop talking antm gif

We were chatting, and I was annoyed, but hey, whatever, I’m being a nicer person. It was kind of tough, because English was his second language, but I took five years of Spanish so I’m PRETTY accomplished, right? And we kind of forged through. He gave me advice about working out, which was not super well-received by me, because I actually DO know what I’m doing when I care enough to try.

MAYBE if he KNEW me he would KNOW that BUT HE DIDN’T.

See, I’m confused as to why this man, this complete stranger, found it appropriate to give advice to a girl like twenty years younger than him.  It’s really not the fact that he was so much older, though that did make me a bit uncomfortable, not gonna lie.  The problem was that he decided that he was in the position to offer any advice.  The assumption that I wanted his opinion on my life.

Like I don’t even want my own friends’ opinions on my life at every single moment.  I most certainly do not want unwarranted advice FROM A STRANGER.

Um, it also makes me feel very icky that he had noticed me to the extent that he actually had any advice in the first place.  Like how intently had he been watching me?  Did he have my entire routine down?  HE seemed to think so, so… I mean I know that’s a little unfair of me.  He could just be observant. I’m there a lot, he’s there a lot, no big deal.  But still.  I don’t notice anyone else to the extent that I feel confident sticking my nose in their business.

Then again, as I explained above, I pretty much keep to myself at all times at the gym, just like EVERYONE ELSE.

The fact that this entire interaction made me uncomfortable is actually something that bothered me in itself, because I should NOT have to feel uncomfortable when a strange man is talking to me.  Particularly because despite my annoyance, he was PERFECTLY friendly and nice.

However, because of the culture that we live in, where women have to deal with violent situations with men REGULARLY, a culture where these interactions have been normalized, I, along with most women that I know, view anyone who is nothing but nice as a potential threat.

This “bitchy behavior” that many women immediately adopt when a stranger tries to talk to us is nothing more than wanting to be left alone because WE ARE UNCOMFORTABLE.

So please, if you’re a guy and something like that happens to you, keep that in mind.  Chances are, we’re not trying to be mean.  We have learned to be wary and we’re protecting ourselves.

Moving on.

The conversation was seriously dragging on,  like legit five minutes at least, which was five minutes too long.  There didn’t seem to be any end in sight, so I was working on ending it… then he fucking said it.  The thing that has continued to bother me for MONTHS after it happened.

“You’re a little fat. You should slim down.”

lauren conrad woah hills gif

To clarify, I’m paraphrasing. I don’t remember his exact words because I got this kind of sort of enraged buzzing, mind numbing ringing in my head.

It was probably shock, come to think of it, because WHO THE FUCK TELLS A STRANGER THEY’RE FAT?

And yes, before you point out that I’m paraphrasing, he DID use the world fat and he DID suggest that I need to slim down.  What the fucking fuck?

I immediately justified it though. English wasn’t his first language, maybe he didn’t mean for it to sound as INCREDIBLY FUCKING INSULTING as it came off.

Yeah, that logic doesn’t work for me. Because here’s the thing, friends.

Who the fuck is he to comment on what I should or should not look like in the first place? I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, if you’re my friend or a stranger. The only person whose opinion I care about when it comes to how I look is my fucking own.

If the way my body looks offends you, go cry in a fucking corner, dickweed. I will wear what I want to wear. I will cover every inch of my skin if I want. I will walk around in my underwear. You can say I’m oppressed or say I’m a slut. No matter what I do, someone will have something to say, and it will be just another thing I don’t fucking care about.

I will do my hair however I want and change the color every six months. I’ll wear a lot of makeup or none at all, depending on my mood.

I will weigh however fucking much I want to weigh, and it’s none of your god damn business. My body looks the way that it looks because that is LITERALLY THE WAY IT IS SHAPED. No matter how much weight I lose, I will not look like everyone’s definition of perfect BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL DIFFERENT.

I will always have boobs that get in the way ALL THE TIME as well as conveniently wide child-bearing hips, not to mention my freakish calves that just won’t quit, all courtesy of my mom’s Italian heritage.

They’re not going to change. And I don’t really want them to, thanks.

I mean yes, I do hate my calves with everything that I am, but whatever. They’re just calves. There’s nothing I can do, so I’m just toning them in the hopes that one day my search for knee high boots will not end in tears.

I LIKE going to the gym. I like working my core ‘til it hurts. I like running ‘til I’m not-so-gently reminded that the LA smog makes my nose as useless as Kim Kardashian. I like hopping on the elliptical and sweating like a swamp monster.

I don’t like working my arms.

aubrey plaza head shake gif

I don’t do it to change the way my body looks. I don’t do it to try to adhere to some standard. I do it because it makes me feel healthier. It’s a good challenge. There are endorphins involved. And oh my god, being toned is THE BEST reward ever. Toned abs, toned ass, toned legs? Yes please. Toned arms are probably great too.  I’m not perfect ok?

I do not work out because I think I’m too fat and even if I did, guess what?  It’s still none of your fucking business, assface.  To quote Amy Poehler, godliest goddess of gods, “I don’t fucking care if you like it.”

So you can put a fucking cork it. 

 

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3 comments

  1. I AM INSULTED FOR YOU. I actually said “WAIT! WHAT?!” when I read what he said to you. Some people have no class at all! I do agree with you about society making woman wary though. This poor man in a van was driving past me as I took a run. He could tell he was making me nervous and actually said, “I’m not gonna hurt you, I’m just lost.” It’s awful how cautious women have to be.

    1. Hahaha right? It blew my mind. I’m still trying to comprehend it. I still want to assume the best since I see him all the time but it just feels creepy.

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