Fuck You Very Very Much

What I should really be doing right now is a blog post (or 10) for work since I was MIA for 3 weeks, but I actually already did write one post and it got deleted TWICE so I’m kind of over that for the time being.

Instead I should be working on my grad school application (because yeah, that’s happening) or at least looking into getting my car registered here and a new California driver’s license… but that just sounds like too much work.

Plus I really just want to rant about both of my ex boyfriends.

Ok well, to classify this as a rant would imply that I actually care, which I must, since I’m thinking about it, but it doesn’t really feel like I do.  It must just be the coffee that I’ve been chugging since I slept through my alarm this morning which I have literally never, ever done in my entire life.

Who cares?  No one except the caffeine circulating through my bloodstream, I’m sure.

Wait, does caffeine actually circulate?  Is that how it works?  How DOES it work?  These are the important questions, people.

Anyway, my ex-boyfriend Ryan, the one who just seemed SO GREAT in previous installments of this blog, couldn’t hack it in Los Angeles (like why did he even move here in the first place? To follow me? How sad) and moved ALL THE WAY back to Maine.  After like 6 months.  When I kicked him out, I was expecting him to like stay with a friend or live on the street.

aubrey plaza parks and rec shrug gif

6 months.  That doesn’t even count as trying.

And you know, I wasn’t even planning on writing about him, despite him being an absolute pile of steaming crap, if the past 6 months of radio silence regarding him has been any indication.

But then I discovered that back in Maine, he’s been hanging out with my complete jackass of an ex ex boyfriend, Josh.  Who, make no mistake, I did try to get together with while I was back in Maine.  Not like TOGETHER together.  Just catch up with.  Why?  Oh who fucking knows.  I mean I had lunch with his mom.  Seeing him didn’t seem like the most unreasonable thing in the world.

But yeah.  Shitbag and Jackass have found their way back to each other once again, which I guess isn’t really surprising but IS kind of annoying.  Then again, who else is even going to hang out with them?  Browzilla hates everyone in Jackass’s life, so it’s not like he has any options.  Browzilla is his current girlfriend, by the way.

It’s just kind of sad, you know, since Josh the Jackass COULD do so much better but just chooses not to.  Like in girlfriends and friends and just life in general.  Ryan, the pile of crappiest shit ever, couldn’t do better (as evidenced by me dumping him like the pile of poop he is), so he’s really just taking what he can get.

lydia bennet lizzie bennet diaries universally acknowledged truth gif

Which is actually hilarious to me.  Since he had nothing but bad things to say about Jackass AND Browzilla when we were together.

BTW, that nickname comes from the way she just draw those fuckers right on her face with like a Sharpie or something.  Get it together girl.  Seriously.

She’s actually never done anything to directly TO me to warrant me being such a bitch, but who doesn’t care?  Oh right, that would be me.  If everything I’ve heard is any indication, she deserves it, which doesn’t really make it ok or anything, I know.  But again, I actually don’t care. 

Not that she even reads this blog.  And if she does…

Hi sweetie.

manny degrassi wink gif

So yeah, Ryan is back in Maine being a loser while I’m still in LA being generally awesome, despite him owing me about $2,000, $700 of which he actually STOLE from me (while we were still dating, no less) and trying to hide a camera to film me naked when I’d gotten out of the shower one day.

Right, remember a few paragraphs above, when I said I kicked him out?  That’s why.

I mean Josh was a total dick, don’t get me wrong, but there’s seriously no comparison.  And I wasn’t going to write about it!  Why?  Because I’m such a great person?  Because I didn’t want to embarrass him?  No.  Because I actually had faith that despite sucking so much, he actually wasn’t THAT horrible.  And honestly, he pretty much stopped existing to me after that little pervert incident.  I mean the guy wears Terry Richardson glasses (WHICH I BOUGHT FOR HIM).  I should have known.

OHWOW & HTC Celebrate The Release Of "TERRYWOOD" With Terry Richardson

Ok so they don’t actually look like Terry Richardson’s but they are equally as creep-tastic.  Fitting, since HE IS A CREEP.

Then again, he shouldn’t have been such a craptastic little asstard in the first place.  That’s probably difficult though when that’s just the kind of person you are.

So yes.  It appears that he is happy, which does not make me happy.  It’s only vaguely annoying, but I also feel that way about the fact that he exists in general, so whatever.  And it’s not like he could really truly be happy since he just sucks too much for that ever to be a reality.

However, since as far as I’m aware, he never faced any repercussions for being a massive wad of dicks, aside from failing abysmally at his one single attempt to do something even marginally great with his life (dating me), I figured it was time to write this scathing review of his being.

But now I’ve gotten to the end of my coffee, which now kind of tastes like how nail polish remover smells, and I am, once again, over it.

Well, until the end of August, which is the more than generous deadline I gave him to pay me back the money that he owes me.  If not… well, let’s just say he was stupid enough to forge my name on one of my own checks when he stole $700 and charging him with fraud will be all too easy.

I think it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway.

Don’t fuck with me.  

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