She’s Out of My League

Ugh.  I was really not planning on blogging a lot about sexist articles that I’ve read.  Like really not at all.  But every once in a while I come across one that is so mind bogglingly just no that I can’t resist.

Just a warning: if you’re not really into lengthy rants and lots of awesome gifs, then turn back now.

I mean, this article that I read is really just so silly, because it’s not even a real article, not real journalism; it’s terribly written and not presented on any sort of well-respected platform.  But there are a lot of people in our culture who genuinely think this way, and it’s utterly absurd.

regina mean girls whatever gif

So I don’t really want to actually link the article here, but I will, because whatever.  Like I did with my other post “I’m a Fucking Unicorn” I’ll also just quote the parts that really piss me off as I write.  Except that will basically require me to quote the entire thing, because it’s really fucking sexist.  Like, ALL of it.  All of it.

Ok.  Just in case you don’t want a fiery ball of rage to form inside of you, I’ll give you the gist of it.  Some dude who refers to himself as “THE KING” at the end of this article (yeah, seriously) is upset that women in clubs don’t give men, specifically him and his friends, the time of day (or night, in this case).  He doesn’t appreciate women being bitches and excusing themselves to go to the bathroom as a polite reason not to talk to him.

Ok.  Ok.  Ready?  I’m not.

Dear Immature Girls,

Hey! It’s the mature guy. So I just wanted to say I am sick of the BS you ladies are pulling off. You know, the stupid shit that you girls like to do. Since when do girls go out to a Bar or Club just to dance with their friends? Let me get this straight…. you go out, dress all nice, pre-game hard, and it’s all just to have a good night out with your girls? I’m sorry but this makes no sense to me.

chelsea handler are you fucking kidding me gif

This is real.  This was really written as a real opinion.  I feel like maybe if I repeat it enough, I’ll be able to finally accept that someone actually thinks this as a thought.

Let me give a brief anecdote.  After a guy who I was totally in love with broke up with me at the beginning of last year, I went out a lot.  A lot a lot.  Almost every night.  Most of those nights I got very dressed up and generally looked pretty fantastic.  I got a lot of attention, which seems pretty logical.  Attractive girl out in public = being hit on by men and the occasional woman.  Whatever.  It happens, and it was expected.

Ok.  Here’s the thing.  I had just gotten out of a relationship.  I was not super happy about that.  I was not looking for a new boyfriend or a random hook up.  Here’s the first thing that men should learn, like, from birth: not all women are looking for either of those things.  Simple as that.

I looked hot because I could.  Why shouldn’t I?  “THEKING” is under the assumption that women dress up for men.  I’ve already addressed this in a earlier post, and I’m not going to get into it again.  All I’m going to say is that we don’t.  We do not.  Nope, nope, nope.  No.

kristen stewart unimpressed confused gif

I can’t even.

Yes, plenty of women actually want to get drunk, look great, and dance with their friends.  I don’t care if that doesn’t make sense to you, because it’s none of your fucking concern.  I don’t need a strange man’s understanding or approval to do what I want when I go out with my friends.  That’s kind of the point of freedom, now isn’t it?  And last time I checked, that was kind of THE PREMISE OF OUR COUNTRY.

kristen stewart can't believe it hair gif

So ok.  This guy doesn’t think that girls go out because they want to have fun on their own.  That’s really just the whole problem, isn’t it?  I have oh so much more to say, but I’ll move on, because my head might actually explode if I keep thinking about it.

Typical conversations with girls at a bar or club legit are pathetic. Myself and my group of friends will approach a group of girls to be nice and ask them how their night is going. What do we get as a response? “Um……. I guess it’s going good…… oh sorry guys we’ll be right back.. we’re going to the bathroom…” 

I have to wonder what this guy’s expectations for a conversation in a bar or a club are.  Those places are really loud.  Awkward small talk is the worst in any situation.  Does he really think I want to partake when I have to scream at him?

Dude.  If you’re interested in having a conversation with a strange woman, do it at the grocery store.  Whole Foods has very ambient lighting and plays lovely music at a reasonable volume.

The thing that pisses me off the most about girls is that you go for these tools, and I mean TOOLS. Being nice NEVER wins

The whole “nice guy” thing is for another time, because if I get into it now, I’m going to end up writing a novel.  To any “nice guy” out there who has an issue with the men that we choose: it’s none of your business.  You have no say in the choices that we make.  If the girl that you like is interested in someone that you believe is an asshole, that’s her decision.  Maybe she’ll get hurt.  Maybe she’ll regret it.  Maybe if she dates enough of these assholes, she’ll realize it and stop.

If she isn’t interested in you, don’t blame it on the fact that you’re nice.  The truth is that she doesn’t like you that way.  Maybe it’s because you aren’t confident.  Maybe it’s because she doesn’t find you attractive.  Maybe she’s not attracted to you (because yeah, the two don’t go hand in hand, if you didn’t know).  Maybe she doesn’t find you smart enough, funny enough, or whatever enough.  Maybe one day she’ll change her mind, and see you for the dazzling specimen you really are.

modern family phil thumbs up gif

Just because you think you’re nice doesn’t mean any woman is required to be interested in you.  Being nice does not automatically make you desirable.  Honestly, complaining about how it’s so unfair that a woman doesn’t like you because you DESERVE her because you’re so nice makes me think that you really aren’t nice at all.

Because really, how could someone be so judgmental, resentful, and full of blame be nice?

Girls, why do you have to step in and break up a good thing when something good does happen to me on a Friday Night. Why when I actually have a miracle and am dancing with your gorgeous friend do you have to be THAT girl who drags her away from me, and then I never end up seeing your friend again?

I thought that this article was implying that you actually wanted to get to know a girl that you meet out at a club, so I don’t really get this.  I mean, in what world do guys grind up on a girl to get to know her?  Come on.  “Hey, you seem like a really interesting person, I’m going to grind my genitals all up in your ass now.”

Sorry, was that awkward and inappropriate?

UGH.

This is what I call “Cockblock City” . Thanks bitch….

Yeah, I was talking to a friend about this gem.  She accurately pointed out that we prefer to think of this as “rape prevention.”  If that girl was enjoying your company and was actually sober enough to choose for herself, then she would have come back for seconds. Surprise, surprise, we women actually can think for ourselves.

Just so you know.

Also… “thanks bitch?”  Really?  I have to say, I think I was wrong about you not being nice.  You sound like a real gentleman.  Top hat, monocle, the whole shebang.  You got it.

lucille bluth wink arrested development gif

Sincerely,

THEKING

Sincerely,

I hate you.

That’s pretty much it for the letter.  Sorry if you got that fiery ball of rage inside of you.  I just couldn’t bear that burden on my own.

I’ve actually had plenty of enjoyable conversations with strangers at bars.  One even bought me a drink with absolutely no expectations.  We briefly talked, he bought me a drink, said have a good night, and walked away.  Seriously.  I don’t know if he’s a nice guy, but he sure as shit seemed like one.

Most of them, however, were not like that.  They absolutely came with expectations.  I have learned, most definitely, that if you’re nice to a guy in that kind of setting, they take it as an invitation.  None of them seemed to be huge assholes or anything when I made it clear I wasn’t interested, but after several of those experiences, I stopped the whole friendly conversation thing.

Being a bitch at a club is a real thing, and for most women, it’s a learned behavior.  I really don’t care if you think I’m a bitch if it means you aren’t going to bother me.  I don’t know you and I don’t care about you.  It’s really none of your business if I’m a bitch or not, and I don’t really understand why you care.  Why would you want to bother with someone who brushed you off so immediately in the first place?

If there’s a girl at a bar or a club who is there to meet guys, then she’ll talk to you.  If she isn’t there to meet guys, then she won’t talk to you.  Simple logic.  The end.

potc jack sparrow shoo

8 comments

  1. It really shouldn’t, but this is the thing that most bothers me most about getting older and going out to bars with my friends. It’s almost as though women just serve as a prop for some men to have sex with. Ever so slightly barbaric.

    1. If that’s what some women want, then that’s completely fine. But the expectation from men that women are out at clubs solely for them is just unreal to me.

      1. Yeah, it’s totally ludicrous to just set out with the expectation that all women are completely willing to be that for men. Obviously some women are which is totally their own decision, but the mindset that any attractive woman at a bar is just ready to be jumped into bed with sickens me.

  2. this is amazing 🙂 the one thing I can’t stand about “nice guys” is that 99% of those guys that label themselves as “nice” aren’t nice at all. Let’s face it, if you have to constantly spell out how nice you are, you’re probably not.

  3. So I am not in anyway sticking up for this guy, since he is just overflowing with hypocrisy, but I can understand his frustration. Going to bars for guys, especially if you are trying to meet a new girl, can be stressful. Guys are led to believe that it is their job to approach the girl, and in most cases this is true. It takes a lot for someone to put themselves on a limb and try to initiate conversation with a stranger, even if it is not for sexual reasons. It can be awkward, embarrassing, and worst of all the fear of rejection can be paralyzing. Girls on the other hand normally just get to play the role of the emperor at the Colosseum, thumbs up or thumbs down, normally it is thumbs down. Now I am not going to pull the nice guy excuse, it is pretty naive to think that a girl can tell if you are a nice guy or not from you saying hello, being nice is similar to being trustworthy, it has to be earned. However, for the same reason guys can’t be mad about “why doesn’t she know I am a nice guy” is the same reason girls cant be mad about “why doesn’t he know that I am not interested in a new guy right now,” you are at a bar/club which is created around the human need of social interaction.

    What happens is that guys take this stress and go one of two ways. You can be immature, like the article you cited, and have that stress and frustration lead to anger, and this anger leads to hatred of the opposite sex (ya Yoda was right). This usually doesn’t work out because it just leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or the mature path which involves making several realizations…

    1. Girls are just as afraid of rejection as you, but lucky for them society doesn’t expect them to make the first move. It sucks but deal with it.

    2. You are going to get rejected, a lot. It sucks deal with it.

    3. It is not all about you, 60% of someones reaction has to do with something that is going on in their life, not whether or not you thought of the perfect thing to say. Don’t take rejection personally.

    None of these realizations are by any means fair, but if you accept them it makes the whole process of meeting someone new a little less stressful. In fact, my new years resolution is to be better at initiating conversation with people, male, female, anyone. It helps to raise confidence and reduce the uncomfortableness for that moment you actually meet a girl you are interested in.

    Last point I want to make is on the cock-blocking comment. Every guy knows you have to get approval from the friend first if you want to sleep with a girl. Also, if you approach a girl’s friend group as a whole instead of singling her out it is a lot less threatening and she won’t raise her shields as much, it is also just polite.

    1. Thank you for bringing up the male side of this, and in a well thought out, respectful way.

      This is one of the many unfortunate aspects of gender roles that we adhere to… Men are supposed to make the first move, and girls are supposed to react accordingly. It’s all a silly game, and I’m glad to say that most people that I know don’t play it.

      I won’t disagree that women are at fault in our rude or bitchy reactions. In all truth, there’s nothing wrong with a guy coming up to us and asking how our night is. Of course, it’s our right to react any way we want, but if that’s my argument, then it’s perfectly reasonable for a guy to approach a woman in the first place.

      Something that I think a lot of women have come to expect is that in nicely turning a guy down, he doesn’t actually take it as a no, which ties in nicely with rape culture. It’s the mindset that “she didn’t seem interested, so I just have to change her mind,” which is obviously really threatening and not welcome at all. Hence the immediate rude response when approached by a strange guy.

      It’s really just a lose-lose situation for everyone involved, which is pretty unfortunate. There are always those glimmers of hope though, with guys like you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s