I’m a Fucking Unicorn

There are two things in this world that I really like: arguing and equality.  Some contributing writer at Elite Daily has given me a reason to introduce both of those things about myself.  I’ll get to that in a moment.

When I say that I like to argue, it’s not like I think about it fondly and get the warm fuzzies or anything like that.  Finding a flaw in something that someone has said comes naturally.  I know how annoying it is, so I do try to refrain.  I mean, I don’t do it to be a dick.  I’m pretty sure it’s genetic.  I like telling people that they’re wrong.  I’m elitist and I’m an asshole.  Oh well.  But I also like the conversation that ensues.  I like to challenge people, and I like for them to challenge me.

All in all, I really just enjoy having an articulate conversation with people who can hold their own.  It’s like a nice brain massage.

Something that I’m also really interested in is equality.  Not in an everyone-deserves-the-same-rights-so-I’m-going-to-vote-on-it-and-never-think-about-it-again kind of way.  Like in an active, women are constantly being oppressed, rape culture is kind of a big deal, lots of men are assholes and too many women are completely clueless kind of way.

I don’t know exactly when I’m became so actively, intellectually involved in the subject.  I’m sure it had something to do with Judith Butler in my Critical Theories class, and it most definitely had to do with Joss Whedon when I finally watched Buffy.

because you're still asking

There’s just so much going on that people have no idea about.  What I find even worse are those who do have an idea and try to dilute it, who think that others are making something small into something big.

Those people are just the worst.

And now we’re back.  A contributing writer for The Elite Daily published an article that induced quite the rage in me.

In his article, this guy refers to “good girls” as “unicorns.”  I should find that great, because I am, by his definition, more of less a good girl, and unicorns are really awesome.  Except I am completely offended by his definition of what a good girl should be, and his comparison to a unicorn has nothing to do with their level of awesome, but rather how rare they are.

I really didn’t want to link his article, because ugh, but here it is.  Feel free to read it before continuing, but if you don’t, I will still give you a very good idea what it entails.

In a nutshell, this writer implies that by sleeping around and partying, women have no respect for themselves and no morals.  That when we (women) get older and are no longer attractive, we will have nothing left to offer, as that kind of former lifestyle is not conducive to what men want when they are finally ready to settle down.  This is because men are insecure and can’t handle the thought of “their woman” having multiple partners before him, or any kind of supposed dirty history.  He suggests that while guys are busy sleeping around and partying in their 20s, women should be sitting at home, maintaining innocent, virgin status, until our future husbands are ready for us.

boo you whore

Oh, but then he mentions the likelihood that we will be cheated on, as men prefer the chase and don’t know what to do with a “good girl” once they’ve actually found one.

That is the enlightening, forward thinking gist of it.  I’ll highlight and tear apart a few of my extra-favorite parts.

“It is almost like they have become a mirror image of men in our love for a multitude of partners. This is great, because it cuts out a lot of the hard work that men used to have to go through to woo a woman to get what they ultimately want.”

Nothing too bad about that, right?  Yeah, well, I’m not offended on behalf of women for this one, I’m actually offended for men.  For most of this article, the author lumped all women together, but in this instance, he’s assuming that all men are as douche-tastic and shallow as he is.  Right, because every guy wants an easy girl for a one night stand.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are copious amounts of men who are like that.  But there are plenty who aren’t.

“Sure, women have become independent… most of these women have completely lost all respect for themselves, and their morals along the way.”

Uh, no?  I mean, I don’t really even know what else to say.  Sweeping, judgmental generalization, much?  Having sex with multiple partners does not mean someone has no respect for themselves and no morals.  I’m actually pretty much just speechless for this one.

“They’ve become thirsty for attention, from posting half-naked photos on Instagram to having their whole lives exposed on the internet…”

What’s wrong with posting half-naked photos and revealing our lives on the internet?  Seriously.  I would love to be enlightened, because I don’t get it.  Further, who are you to judge what our intentions are in doing these things?  And if it is for attention, what business is it of yours?

“Sure, we men are to blame for this as well, but that is because we are idiots. It all comes down to perception. Women see us drool over that hot girl that is standing half naked in her default picture or see us go wild when we easily get the number to a hot girl we just met on the street…”

Oh, this is a fun one.  Mr. Douche is so chivalrously taking responsibility for creating this skewed perception that women have.  His reason?  Men are idiots.  Seriously.  I mean, I’m not disagreeing, but regardless of what an idiot you are, it’s not an excuse to be a jerk.

Further, this guy is actually taking responsibility for giving women the idea that this is what men want.  So that’s great.  Cheers, thanks a lot.  BUT HERE’S THE THING.  After posting these photos, creating this “hot” image, having multiple partners, and giving these guys exactly what they want, they go ahead and reprimand us for it.

Basically, guys want you to be hot and get naked, but when you do, they will shame you for it.

Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?

Oh, then there’s the whole assumption that we are doing ANY of this to please men IN THE FIRST PLACE.  It doesn’t even occur to this guy that women might dress a certain way because we like our bodies, that we do our hair to look the way that we want, and that we wear makeup because we like it.  He doesn’t even acknowledge the possibility that our actions don’t revolve around men.

“Because of the double standard that is in place between men and women, finding a girl of this nature wasn’t that hard decades ago because women actually held high standards for themselves and demanded men to treat them properly before they gave them what they wanted.”

He wishes women still acted like we used to, decades ago, when we had no other options in life aside from getting married and having children.  Maybe we should just throw him in a time machine and send him back to the 19th century then, and be rid of him.  But ugh, I’d hate to waste time travel on this guy.  He somehow doesn’t seem to realize that any woman who was not a virgin until marriage was considered “ruined” and would never be able to get married and basically had no future.

It was really less that women had such high standards and more that we were kept in metaphorical cages.  Sure, it all worked out for Mary, but I don’t think that many women were lucky enough to have a Matthew.

Yes, I was absolutely looking for a reason to use this gif.

Yes, I was absolutely looking for a reason to use this gif.

I could really go on, but I’ll refrain for the sake of my sanity.

Basically, this guy takes full responsibility for men being shallow and only wanting hot women to have one night stands with.  He then proceeds to reprimand women for conforming to that expectation and complains about how there aren’t any “good girls” left in the world.

Ok, can I just say how gross I find the phrase “good girl?”  Like, what does that even mean?  It makes me feel like Mr. Douche is referring to women like we’re small children and that he’s a pedophile.

mckayla maroney not impressed face

Let me be clear: there is nothing wrong with being a “good girl,” whatever it entails.  There’s nothing wrong with being a big ol’ slut, either, or anything in between.  Because women are people, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.

So yeah, this is most definitely not the first article like this that I’ve read, and unfortunately I know it won’t be the last.  I recently read an article describing all the reasons why it’s so great to date a girl with an eating disorder.  That was super fun.  I won’t write about them all, because they usually come down to the same thing: the writers are pretentious, poorly educated, misogynistic fucktards.  What more is there to say?

Women are unicorns because we are magical and awesome and you are one lucky sonofabitch if we choose to grace you with our existence.

This is actually going to be a two part post, because now I can’t stop thinking about Joss Whedon and how much I like him and just want to talk about him.  So that’s coming up.

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