I Fell Off My Pink Cloud With A Thud

*First of all, let me clarify that some names have been changed.  If you know what happened, you know who I’m talking about, and if you don’t, then it doesn’t matter anyway.

Cal was home visiting his parents when I got back.  I called him, intending on being honest and telling him that I had gone to dinner with Joshua.  Yeah, I wanted to end things, but  I was going to wait until I was with him in person.  As much of an asshole he’d been when I tried it the first time, I still thought he deserved that much.

I called him up, and before I knew it, I was breaking up with him.  I just didn’t care.  I’d just had dinner with a guy I’d been interested in for a month.  At this point he must have known it was coming.  Why bother putting off the inevitable?

It was shitty of me to do over the phone, I’ll admit that.  But I still don’t feel bad.

I don’t remember how the conversation went.  It mainly consisted of him being a jerk and me holding the phone away from my ear.  I’d already been verbally assaulted by him once.  No need to go through it again.

I got the general gist though, and it still sucked.

When that was over, I texted Josh.  He felt bad about it, so we talked via Skype for a while.  Just like earlier, we couldn’t manage to actually leave each other.

We fell asleep together.  Skyping.

It does kind of have that creepy Twilight-y “I’m watching you sleep” vibe.  But we didn’t want to leave each other, and it was sweet.

The next few weeks were like lightning.  When I wasn’t in class and he wasn’t working, we were inseparable.

We spent a lot of time with his family.  I loved how close he was with his sister.  I met his dad, who had a big ol’ grin because Josh had found someone who made him smile.

I guess he hadn’t been doing much of that lately.

We spent hours upon hours driving around in that truck of his.  He just kept talking.  I loved hearing about his life.  So much.  He just loved having me around.  He told me about his parents, his grandparents, how he grew up, his youthful indiscretions.  On and on and on.

Most of all, he told me about all the adventures he used to have.  That was something about him that had enticed me the most – the promise of adventure.  He hadn’t had any in a while though.  Not since he got married.  That was when the adventures stopped.  Things changed.  That made me sad.  I think it made him sad, too.

Now he was excited again.  He absolutely lit up when he was happy.  He tried convincing me to officially be his girlfriend; I wanted to wait just a little bit.  I was worried what people would think.

Looking back, the idea of that is bitterly funny.  I was worried about what people would think, as if they weren’t already gossiping about what had happened.  I had just dumped my boyfriend had immediately started seeing a new guy, who was ten years older than me and also divorced.  It just screamed scandal

Making it official on Facebook was really the least of it.

Less than two weeks into it, he told me he loved me.  He said he thought it was more than anyone he’d loved before.

Up until that point, I’d avoided saying it again.  I was already feeling crazy enough as it was.  After that, though, all bets were off.

It was the chemistry, the infatuation, the inexplicable magnetic pull we had for each other.  We were obsessed.  We spent every day together, and on the rare days that we couldn’t, we would continue talking for hours on Skype and fall asleep together.

Soon he was talking about how we would move in together.  I liked the idea, but come on.  We’d barely started dating.  My lease was up in September though, so I was seriously considering it.  We already couldn’t get enough of each other.  Why not?

He loved being around me, and I loved learning about him.  Exhilarating is the only way to describe it.  It was a whirlwind romance.

It was also obsessive and it was unhealthy.  Neither of us could eat for weeks.  All we wanted to do was be together.  In the end, that ruined it.

Yeah, sure, I know that I come off as an intense, clingy girlfriend.  I definitely was.  But he was a crazy, clingy boyfriend.  These feelings were very much reciprocated, until suddenly they weren’t.  I didn’t understand, and rather than back off and give him space, I pushed.  He pulled.  He obviously felt bad, but couldn’t articulate what was going on.  I don’t know what had clicked in his brain, and I’m not sure he did, either.

As quickly as it began, it ended.

It totally sucked, and I was miserable.  Luckily I had started a new job which was keeping me busy.  I cried in my car once, which was terrible and cliché.

Crying is for wimps.

It was the first time I’d been dumped, which sucks in itself.  It was also unexpected, by someone I was completely infatuated with.  Seriously, seriously sucky.

Oh, he also did it in a text, the day before my birthday.

At least it wasn’t on my birthday, right?

Right?

Honestly though, I don’t hold it against him.  I know him, and I get it.  Simple as that.

Unfortunately, I “got it” at the time, too.  I should have been mad at him, but instead I was empathetic and understanding.  It’s why I was miserable for so long.  I knew he was going through a rough time, and I cared about him and wanted to be there for him.

Note to self: when someone DUMPS YOU, they don’t want you to be there for them.

No shit Sherlock.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s